So you’re planning your next vacation already, because the election has you frazzled and you are just ready to get away for awhile. Only one problem: You are worried that you are going to run into Democrats that might ruin your vacation! Fear not… Those of us here at Conservative Island have done extensive research, and we’ve put together a list of exotic locales where you can retreat to while having high odds that you’ll be surrounded by other conservatives. Enjoy:
1). The Hilton in Bora Bora — I know what you’re thinking, “Oh my god, it’s FRENCH Polynesia! Are you insane?” — But let’s face it… It takes a 20 hour flight to get there, and it’s one of the most expensive tropical vacations possible, so you’re not going to run into a lot of Democrats in Bora Bora. In addition, the Hilton in Bora Bora has been a Conservative enclave for years, ever since Conrad Hilton gave us secure locations around the globe to hold up in whenever strife breaks out.
2). Sunset Beach in Cabo San Lucas — While it’s entirely possible that you might run into SOME Democrats in Cabo San Lucas, the odds are going to be lower there than just about anywhere else in Mexico. Cabo is touristy, expensive, and sheik. Conservatives have been vacationing in Cabo San Lucas for many years now, and many own second homes there. Sunset Beach is exclusive, and you will certainly enjoy your stay.
3). The Cayman Islands — Anybody who tells you the Cayman Islands are not loaded with Republicans and Conservatives is probably trying to keep the world’s best secret a secret. Naturally many of us spend a lot of time in the Caymans, because we’re busy hiding our money from greedy Democrats in our offshore bank accounts. Conservatives with means can even retire in the Cayman Islands if they make a substantial real estate investment there. It’s a tax haven that attracts us from around the world, and you are guaranteed not to run into many Democrats there — except maybe the hobo who greets the cruise ships, selling coconuts from a shopping cart!
4). Turks & Caicos Islands — Turks and Caicos are another great Tax Haven location that attracts wealthy Republicans like Bruce Willis to own property and plan retirement there. If you get a chance to go to Grand Turk, be sure to stop by “Jack’s Shack”, a delightful little bar run by ex-pats which we found on the beach next to where the cruise ships dock. There are many ex-pats located on the islands, and the wealthier ones seem to live over on “Parrot Cay”. Needless to say, you won’t run into many folks that aren’t like minded in this exclusive hideaway.
5). Costa Rica — A lot of conservatives have been buying into Costa Rica for a few years now. Even Rush Limbaugh owns property there and has considered leaving the United States to retire in Costa Rica. It’s relatively inexpensive, so that even conservatives on a modest budget can afford it there, and the government is friendly to Americans. If you want to check it out on a potential real esate buying trip, we recommend staying at the Four Seasons — which is where you are most likely to run into other Conservatives while on your trip:
As always with foreign travel, things can be unpredictable and situations can break down very quickly. If you find yourself in the middle of a skirmish, or a third world escalation breaks out around you — follow these simple steps to make it out alive. A). Go to the nearest Hilton Hotel, or Four Seasons. B). Find the bar, which will most likely be located on the 6th floor or higher if you are in a third world country, and C). Order a Martini, and wait for the US Marines.